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Showing posts from August, 2013

I Will Survive

Some days my heart has an all-out-no-holds-barred personal pity party, complete with the worlds saddest violin music playing in the background. I mope and complain and walk around and let every little thing get at me. I sigh. I cry. I wonder why I don't fit in and why things can't just be normal. I then gripe to my husband, my best friend, and the Lord. I want to run away. I want to start over. I want to not have to deal with [enter situation here] anymore. Everyone else in the world is so happy, and nobody understands me. 

I was telling the Lord about my latest tale of woe--how angry  I was at my husband for taking me and our brand new baby so far from everything I knew and loved (I was so angry, for a few moments I had honestly considered buying a plane ticket back home) --when I heard him abruptly stop me in mid sentence. He very tenderly but firmly reminded me of military women, bravely raising their children and keeping up a home without seeing their husbands for months at…

Love Is All You Need

I will never forget that moment:  I didn't need a doctor to tell me that was a little girl crying. It was delicate and feminine. It will remain forever ingrained in my ears. The most beautiful sound I have ever heard!

I will also never forget thinking "this was not the way it was supposed to go." I longed for my child to have been born at home, into her father's hands. Instead she was born emergency C-section. 
I was ecstatic about having a little girl (especially since Joseph and I were both sure Lydia was going to be a Daniel!). But I was internally struggling with the idea that my body had failed. My faith had failed. I had failed. Again. As a woman. As a mom. Old memories of losing my first baby girl reemerged with a vengeance. Why couldn't I get this pregnancy and baby thing right? What was wrong with me? 
I don't know what I would have done without my husband during that very vulnerable time. Joseph was the one who sat with me through every contraction. He…

Coming Home

It's good to be back. To write again in my blog after nearly 7 months is like coming home--cozy, warm, familiar. It's like walking in the door and being greeted by the smell of coffee brewing and the feel of a strong hug.

It's good to have a place to return to when you've been gone for a while. I am 600 miles from home at the moment. My husband, new baby, and I traded the warm southern suburbs for a quaint town in western Pennsylvania. It's where he grew up. And I understand now why he wanted to return. It's beautiful here. Mountains, rivers, lush green everywhere. Crisp, cool air in the evenings.  Farmland sprawling as far as you can see. Amish country. Things are homemade. You eat out less and stay in more. You can drive from one end of town to the other in 15 minutes. And everywhere you go, people are on bikes or out for a stroll. You can get to almost anywhere on a bike. Or by kayak. The creek runs along the entire length of town.


Life is significantly slow…