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Showing posts from June, 2015

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

I fell on the bed exhausted. Thoughts I had never dreamed I'd have had been bombarding me for months. And for the first time in years I felt the pangs of an old foe...guilt. I turned on some worship music and cried. I told the Lord how awful and dirty I felt. I lay there arms outstretched and let his love flow over me until I fell asleep. 
This was the turning point for me.
You see, I absolutely adore my husband. For the first four years of our marriage, no matter what financial problem, personal tragedy, or health issue came up, we were a team!  
But this past year I found myself thinking about another guy while I was with him...
Yeah, this was not like me. 
Yeah, I was completely ashamed of it. 
And it didn't just suddenly happen one day. It was far more subtle than that.
It started with something Joe would fail to do or something rude he would say, and immediately I'd hear the lie...he doesn't think you're lovable anymore.
And then he'd be too tired to do anything w…

Woman to Woman

Your hair is so healthy.
You’re such a good mom. So attentive.
I love seeing you interact with your family.
You’re such an inspiration to me!
Sweet, life-giving words spoken to me this past week by some very good friends. They cannot even know how I replay these over and over in my heart or how much they mean to me. It is partly because they were words spoken from loyal hearts, partly because I very rarely hear such words spoken to me, and partly because they speak straight to the least confident parts of who I am.
As a woman, there is nothing more life-giving to me than to be encouraged by another woman. Do you know what I mean? It’s one thing to be complimented by a man or by a husband…something in the back of my mind wonders if it’s just the testosterone talking. But to be complimented by a woman is a little unsettling at first and yet so amazing. Sadly, because as women we very rarely encourage each other. We gossip. We cut each other down. We size each other up. So a sincere, encoura…

The Dance

My husband and I took swing dance lessons before our wedding. He had never really danced and I had never danced with a partner, so we thought we should at least have some basics before we had to dance in front of a crowd at our wedding.
The first couple of classes were miserable. He lacked confidence and I lacked the ability to follow. I kept trying to guess where he was going to go and kept ruining the flow. He was trying to get the moves down right and make it look good. We were having no fun at all and wanted to quit a few times. But with each class, he got better at moving and I got better at letting go and following. Now we love to dance around in the kitchen all the time!
I was talking to a recently married friend a few weeks ago about the difficulties of adjusting to married life after being single for so long. Yeah, it’s hard. It’s frustrating. It makes you wonder if maybe this was a bad idea and if maybe you should quit. Cut yourself some slack. Cut your husband some slack. Yo…

Back to the Future

I wrote this article over a year ago on my Wordpress blog, and came across it again while preparing for today's post. It's perfect. It's right where my heart is today. May you be encouraged by it.

“We are being changed into his very image, from one degree of glory to the next”
2 Corinthians 3:18
Yesterday morning I was writing a recommendation for a friend who is going to start working on his doctorate soon. I was blown away by how much time has passed since we were college classmates. We are now both married and live on different coasts. And while I'm proud at what he has accomplished and excited about where I am in my life as well, part of me longs to go back to our college days. Back to the days when studying was the biggest worry in our lives. Back when we served the poor on our missions trips and fed the hungry on Friday nights. Back when we naively thought we were invincible and were going to single-handedly save the world. 
I finished the email, pressed the “send” b…

My First Love

I'm a huge romantic. As in mentally-matchmaking-my-single-friends-and-asking-strangers-about-their-love-lives romantic. I had a new crush every week when I was younger, and I'd dream about having a great adventure someday with my true love. I still love to watch older couples holding hands or sitting side by side on a park bench. Give me a sweet note or a walk at sunset and I'm a happy woman!
But reality is not always romantic. And neither is my husband. And most days I'm okay with that. I realize that he is a man raised in a household of men. I also realize that he doesn't even remotely think about things like flowers, or candles, or perfume. Or birthdays or holidays. Or breakfast in bed or picnics at the park. But I think about those things all the time. And sometimes I wish he did too. 

I was on a walk, telling the Lord about my disappointment in this area, when I felt the breeze pick up and waft the scent of some delicious green, flowering thing my way. It trigge…