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No More Hide and Seek



I'm a pretty even-keeled person, but once in a while, something will happen that will trigger and then override my usually polite self.

My husband says I let things build up and then one silly little thing will set me off. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. For instance, when I feel peopled-out (meaning it's been several days since I've had any time to myself) and my daughter, or an acquaintance, or my mom asks me to do something for them, I explode. Okay, so it's more like I implode. I don't kick and scream.  I shut down. I cry. I lock myself away and refuse to see anyone. 

Through my husband pointing this out to me, the Lord has been teaching me to be aware of my emotions, and more importantly to submit my emotions to Him. It's been a lesson in trusting the Lord with my most vulnerable self. He is teaching me to run to Him even when I don't feel like it. And that is very hard to do for this "I'll figure it out myself" person. 

But the more I run to the Lord when I'm angry, lonely, overwhelmed, or scared, the more I am aware of those emotions before they creep up, and the better I can work through them when they do. That means less time being resentful towards my husband for something he has or hasn't done, and more time sharing calmly and clearly what I need and want from him. I'm a long way from where I want to be, but I can see the difference it's already making. 


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