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Showing posts from November, 2016

Here in This Moment

This past week I was cleaning out my inbox of seven years' worth of emails. A lot accumulates in that span of time. I realized that all the problems and worries I had thought were so insurmountable had been handled...every single one. All those bills I had to pay, calls I had to make, opinions that I had held so stubbornly to...none of them mattered anymore. All the relationships and conversations I had lost sleep over--I had forgotten about all of them. People had come and gone from my life, some had passed away into eternity.  I'm saddened at how much has changed in seven years. I wonder how life would have been different if I hadn't worried so much about everything.

But one thing I don't regret is that I lived each of the moments over the past seven years to the fullest. I don't regret the time I spent staying up with a friend, or giving someone a meal or a gift, or opening up my home to a person that needed it. Even when friendships didn't pan out like I exp…

Let There Be Love

I love my story in God... In the hardest chapters I have seen beauty
and extreme loving-kindness...
That's where I am today...shocked once again by how much I am loved.
I have days where the depression is so dark and heavy and deep, it's almost physically difficult to breathe. Days when i think thoughts I'm later too embarrassed to say out loud.
I hate myself for these days. I hate that my usually joyful self can be so shaken by such an elusive thing. I hate that one thing my husband does or says during this time can pierce me to the core. I hate the things I think toward him. I hate the things I think toward myself.

In the depths of humiliation and embarrassment,
crushed by my own inadequacy and stupidity,
He mined grace for me at a depth I hardly knew existed...
I have learned to come to the Lord during these times, to worship and pray when I don't feel like it. And he has been for many years, my constant source of encouragement during these times.
But he has been c…