Skip to main content

Taming My Tongue

So too the tongue is a tiny part of the body, yet it boasts great things.
With it we bless God, the Father; and with it we curse people, who were made in the image of God.  Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing! Brothers, it isn’t right for things to be this way.
James 3:5,9


My name is Sarah and I am a gossip.

A few months ago I found myself sharing with my husband some things a friend had shared with me in confidence. I shared no intimate details, but just enough to get his view of the situation and some advice as to how to handle it. 

But that had been enough to change my husband's view of that person. Just a few minutes into our conversation I wish I had never opened my mouth.

Then the next morning, as I was doing an online Bible Study, the Lord began to show me the other times in my life where I have done the same thing. I have shared a friend's precious secrets under the guise of "needing prayer" or "just venting" or "wanting advice." 

And suddenly I became aware that I do this multiple times a day, with every conversation I have. A little complaint here, a little venting there, and I have been pulled in to the very thing I have always hated...gossip. 

A gossip goes around revealing secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.
Proverbs 11:13

I have caused more heartache than I probably know, and probably more drama. And the worst is that I have hardened the hearts of people towards those they have never even met. My husband and I have been the center of gossip before, and we didn't even know it until months later. It hurt a lot to learn that we had been talked about to people we didn't interact with or even know. To think I may have caused someone else the same pain! 

I didn't start out looking to slander anyone's name or reputation. I started out with what I call "good gossip." I wanted to share all the good things the people in my life had done with the other people in my life. But it's so easy to slip from the good someone has done to the little things they do that are different from us. Then to the things that irk us. Then to the bigger issues of our relationships with them. Until it's hard to see the good in that person and only the irritations and short-comings. 

It's one thing to seek advice from a mentor or friend for my own issues and struggles. But when it comes to the issues and struggles of others, I want to keep those between the Lord and them. I want to pray with the person and trust that God will sort it all out in their hearts. And if I must vent, I will vent to my journal and the Lord or go for a walk. Maybe invest in a punching bag. 

I want to be a woman above reproach. That goal seems so insurmountable. Especially in the light of this new revelation that my heart is not where it should be. But my Father is the Lord of new mercies and new creations. Create in me a pure heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me!








Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Two Becoming One

All I knew was my husband wasn't living up to my expectations.

I started questioning his motives and intentions. Every action he took or didn't take seemed like a personal attack. 

"He left his socks on the floor just to spite me." 
"He forgot to text me from work because someone else was on his mind." 
"He didn't want intimacy tonight because he doesn't like me anymore."

Then I started to distance myself emotionally from my husband. If he was in the house, I would only give him passive-aggressive hints about how he had disappointed me that day or I'd give him the cold shoulder, expecting him to know what he had done wrong.
I could only see things from my perspective. I could only see how my husband's actions were affecting me. I could only see my unfulfilled dreams and shattered expectations. I only knew my hurt and my pain. I was so trapped inside my own thoughts I couldn't see how my thoughts and actions were affecting my husband.…

Let's Talk About Sex

I first published this post in January of 2012. Our daughter hadn't even been conceived yet, I had just started writing, and my husband had just started his business. Still the stresses of life haven't changed much and things still hold true for our marriage 5 years later. 

One of the babies I watch cried all day today--literally, all day--stopping only for 10 minutes to drink her bottle and for another 10 minutes when I was singing "Old McDonald". We don't have a washer and dryer, so I took 6 loads of laundry one at a time, by foot, to the laundromat on the complex.  I started at 8 this morning and I am still drying clothes. While I was making tea this morning, my one small pleasure during the day, my teapot caught on fire--yes, I didn't know they could do that either.  There is still a bed full of clothes to fold, dinner to make, dog poop to clean off the patio, and baby spit-up in my hair.  I'm exhausted.
But when my husband comes through the door later …

Tall, Dark, and Handsome

Me: "What's your type?"

Him: "Whad'ya mean 'type'?"

Me: "You know...type. Everyone has one. Do you prefer a blonde, a brunette, a ginger? Athletic? Short or tall? Quiet or talkative? Artistic or nerdy?"

This was the conversation my husband and I had on a long car ride once. A lot of laughter ensued, as well as a few new realizations.

I discovered, much to my relief and amazement, that I was indeed my husband's "type"--dark eyes, olive skin, and, ahem...curves. And to his surprise and amazement, he found that physically, he's not my "type" at all. Not to say I don't find my husband physically attractive--I think he's a total hottie!--but it's just that his build and features were not what I would have looked for when I was dating. 

Him: "So what is your type, then?"

Me: "Honestly? Um...ok, I got it. Think Hugh Jackman in the Wolverine movies. Dark, broad-shouldered, mysterious."

Him: &quo…