I love time to write and color and think and read and talk to the Lord.
I love stepping on a trail, swimming, and taking baths because it's all things I can do utterly and deliciously alone.
It's funny that at one point in my life I thought that when I got married I wouldn't need alone time because I'd be able to share everything with my soulmate. But the truth is quite the opposite. Unless I am alone for a time, unless I have the freedom to be myself and with the Lord, I am no good to be with others. Especially not my husband.
I have to be alone, because if I'm not, I look to my husband to fill all my expectations. I look to him to give me attention all the time, to listen to everything I have to say, to be everything that I, unrealistically, want him to be. I start to get disappointed when he doesn't get home early, or if he goes to bed before I do, or if he simply leaves his dirty socks on the floor.
I have to be alone so that I can be the wife, and mother, and friend I want to be. It is in the solitude that my deepest longings to be loved, and cherished, and filled with purpose are fulfilled. It's only from that place that I can move and live with joy. Because when I'm alone, is when the Spirit of the Lord can speak gently to me and remind me of who I am. Then I can go out and remind others of who they are, especially my husband.
Originally posted January 2012