Skip to main content

My First Love




Happy Fourth of July! Hope you are all enjoying a restful day with your loved ones as we celebrate this historic day. I'm taking a break from writing this week but wanted to share a post from July 2015 that's still as true and beautiful as ever. Enjoy!



I'm a huge romantic. As in mentally-matchmaking-my-single-friends-and-asking-strangers-about-their-love-lives romantic. I had a new crush every week when I was younger, and I'd dream about having a great adventure someday with my true love. I still love to watch older couples holding hands or sitting side by side on a park bench. Give me a sweet note or a walk at sunset and I'm a happy woman!

But reality is not always romantic. And neither is my husband. And most days I'm okay with that. I realize that he is a man raised in a household of men. I also realize that because he's a man he doesn't even remotely think about things like flowers, or candles, or perfume. Or birthdays or holidays. Or breakfast in bed or picnics at the park. But I think about those things all the time. And sometimes, I have to be honest, I wish he did too. 

I was on a walk, telling the Lord about my disappointment in this area, when I felt the breeze pick up and waft the scent of some delicious green, flowering thing my way. It triggered a flood of memories about all the times I had walked with the Lord and he'd done something just like that. Like the time I came upon a blue heron on my evening walk--majestic creature! Or the time I had ducklings eat out of my hand or frightened up a cloud of damselflies with jewel-toned bodies sparkling in the sun. Every little unusual moment was a kiss from the great Romantic of the universe! He reminded me that long before I was wooed by any man, He was my love. I use to spend countless hours walking and talking with Him and learning about Him from His word and from His creation. So why should now be any different? 

No husband, no matter how wonderful or romantic, could ever fill my need for romance. No human love could ever fill me with such wonder or delight as the mighty roar of a waterfall or the soft glow of fireflies on a summer's evening. These are the romantic gestures of the truest Love, who loved me passionately long before I existed! It is His love that fills me and gives me the ability and desire to love others, especially my husband. Without Him, my marriage would not be as wonderful as it is. And without Him, I'd be putting unreasonable pressure on my husband to fill a void he was never meant to fill. 

Lord, return us back to You, our first Love. Let every relationship in our lives flow from the relationship we have with you.


"Who is this who shines like the dawn—
as beautiful as the moon,
bright as the sun,
awe-inspiring as an army with banners?"
from the Song of Solomon 6:10





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Free from Guilt

A couple of friends and I have had conversations this week about the thing that seems to plague all women most of the time...guilt.

I feel guilty about standing my ground when I know I'm right. What if I hurt the other person's feelings? 
I feel guilty about honestly saying no when I don't want to do something.  What if I'm just being selfish?
I feel guilty about not attending every birthday or wedding I'm invited to. Or accepting every friend request on social media. Or volunteering for every empty spot on the church help list. 
I feel guilty about buying myself a new shirt. Or a new book. Because maybe that money could be used for something more important. 
I feel guilty for just wanting to be alone--a lot--instead of out partying it up with people. 
I feel guilty for sitting my kid in front of the TV for a few minutes while I write this. 
I feel guilty for just wanting a foot rub at the end of the day, and not a steamy evening of romance.

I feel guilty that I haven'…

Everything I Thought I Knew

Relationship magazines, advertisements for women, submission talks in church, modesty talks in youth group, and my mother's and grandmother's own views about men and their own broken relationships...I brought all these lessons with me into my marriage, ready to be the greatest wife ever! But I have been disappointed by some of this advice and I've had to relearn a few things along the way. 

1) As long as you're a good cook and keep a clean home, your husband will be happy. (Ok, there's sex too, but I'll talk about it later)  A few dirty dishes, which to me are the end of the world, aren't even on my husband's radar. He'd rather me sit with him and watch a movie or work on a project together.

2) You're too fat, you forgot to shave, your tan lines are showing, your breasts are too small, your butt is too big, your hair is too flat. It was absolutely terrifying to stand naked in front of my husband for the first time-- for the first hundred times. It…

Seasons

My daughter, my dog, and I were walking in the woods today when we came to a spot that was familiar and stopped. I could just barely tell it was the same place we visited a couple of winters ago. Everything looked so different under the weight and shade of leaves, flowers, and berries. The water was bubbling and the air was alive with both humidity and bugs. This seemed worlds away from the still, barren cold we experienced on our first visit.

This moment reminded of the change of seasons in our own lives. On my own personal journey, my life looked very different a year ago. In fact, this very walk, in the heat and sun, for this long, would not have been possible. I was battling physical and mental symptoms of anxiety that had made even getting out of bed impossible on some days. What a transformation a year has made! I am not the same, nor will I ever be again. Much the same way this spot in nature is both familiar and strange during a different season. 

I live my life in seasons. What…