Skip to main content

Let There Be Love

Spending some time with the Lord.

I love my story in God...
In the hardest chapters I have seen beauty
and extreme loving-kindness...

That's where I am today...shocked once again by how much I am loved.

I have days where the depression is so dark and heavy and deep, it's almost physically difficult to breathe. Days when i think thoughts I'm later too embarrassed to say out loud.

I hate myself for these days. I hate that my usually joyful self can be so shaken by such an elusive thing. I hate that one thing my husband does or says during this time can pierce me to the core. I hate the things I think toward him. I hate the things I think toward myself.

In the depths of humiliation and embarrassment,
crushed by my own inadequacy and stupidity,
He mined grace for me at a depth I hardly knew existed...

I have learned to come to the Lord during these times, to worship and pray when I don't feel like it. And he has been for many years, my constant source of encouragement during these times.

But he has been changing the way he encourages me.

He is showing me that it's time to share my feelings, both the good and the bad, and everything i think is ugly. And he's showing me how important people are to the health of my mind and heart.

For example, a few months ago, Joe and I had a couple of friends over for a night of games and dinner. As much as I usually enjoy their presence, I was not looking forward to cleaning the house, cooking, and staying up late chatting with them. I was exhausted and feeling peopled-out.

But what I didn't know was that their presence and love and fun was exactly what I needed. I was so touched by their generosity, their peacefulness, and their laughter. I went to bed almost in tears with how much they had spoken life into me in just a few hours.

Grace purified me by restoring me to holiness 
and leaving me awestruck with gratitude.

That's where I am today...awestruck with gratitude. Over and over this kind of thing keeps happening. Little things from people that touch my soul and bring me to tears because they reveal that the Father doesn't care how deep the darkness is...he lives in light and wants me there with him.

I've been on the mountain, bathed in a light so strong
I thought I would dissolve in happiness.

Dear friend, let your guard down. Let yourself open up to the love of the Father. Let that love come through the kindnesses of others. Stop striving. Stop beating yourself up. Just let Him love you through someone else.

The matter, therefore, of how much we are loved is most vital.
What if every day, every circumstance was cleverly designed
to show us another glimpse of the Father's heart?

Quotes from the book Prophetic Wisdom by Graham Cooke.


Popular posts from this blog

Body Image

I remember being 6 years old in my dance class. My mom walked out of the parent waiting area and offered me a sip of her Sprite. Two sips in I heard the teacher say from the front of the room, "That's enough. She doesn't need any more sweets. She's big enough." Some of the other girls snickered. After we finished our winter show later that month, I never went back to dance lessons again. 

I remember being 8 years old and my parents had friends over for dinner. The youngest was my age so upstairs we went to play. I sat on the edge of my bed while she ransacked my room. I told her she was being too rough with my stuff. She turned around, poked me in the stomach, and out of nowhere said,"Well at least I'm not chubby." I had no words for her statement but I spent the rest of the evening avoiding her by pretending to help in the kitchen. 

At 13 years old, my best guy friend told me that he would be interested in dating me if my legs were a little leaner an…


There's a secretary desk in my dining room that has been waiting to be fixed and refinished for almost four years. For almost two years after I triumphantly found it on Craigslist, it sat completely untouched. It's been moved from house to house and room to room, waiting patiently. I finally started pulling it apart two winters ago and still haven't managed to paint all of it. Every day it looks sadly at me as I go about doing the rest of the urgent things on my to-do list. Every day it gets pushed back to the bottom of the list. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough energy. I don't have the right tools for the job. And yet deep inside I know I want to do this project and should do this project and will feel so much better once it's done and looking all pretty. 

Sadly, that desk isn't the only project I haven't finished. My daughter's baby shadow boxes, my vegetable garden, my first book, and don't even get me started on my wedding al…


It is a Japanese word that translated means "sunlight filtered through the leaves of a tree."
A word that encompasses all the wonder and beauty of one of my most beloved images. 
In the spring, the leaves are new and bright green and the light that filters through them is fresh and vibrant and whispers promises of new things to come. 
In the summer, the green, filtered light is a rest from the heat and the bustle of life. 
In the fall, the chill in the air and the array of a thousand colors invite us to come and play and be a child again. 
In the winter, the cold breeze blows unhindered through the naked trees, but their absence gives an unhindered view of the layout of the land.
Komorebi in each season of nature is a symbol of a season of my own life. 
Not too long ago I was missing those leaves and missing that sun. Anxiety, insomnia, depression, and awful physical symptoms plagued me until some days I couldn't even get out of bed. It was winter in my life and the ch…